I am currently enrolled in a class called “7 Ideas That Shook The Universe” at Kent State University, which, according to myedu.com, exists to provide a “description of major revolutionary physical concepts and their implications for understanding the physical universe.”

During the first class, my professor put on a show for us. He cut off the classic rock music that had been blaring from surround sound speakers and turned all of the lights off. A recording of a deep voice briefly explaining the history of the universe came on while images were being projected onto the ceiling and the walls. He spent the next 40 minutes telling us about “the 7 ideas that shook the universe.” It was weird and boring. I created a list of the 7 ideas that shook my universe.

Idea 1 – We are not located at the center of the universe, but I am.

Idea 2 – We can(‘t) predict the future.

Idea 3 - Energy makes the universe go, which means one can ‘simply’ increase his/her effect on the universe by increasing his/her caffeine/amphetamine intake (right?). Turn up.

Idea 4 – Heat Nothing gives direction to the universe.

Idea 5 – There is a maximum speed limit (the speed of light). Don’t try to compete. It is physically impossible to move faster than one is meant to move, so find your lane and stay in it until you get to where you’re going.

Idea 6 – Everything has a double nature. A. Particle nature Abstract. B. Wave nature Real. They can but don’t have to have some/anything to do with one another. Let Real be an attentive, submissive husband. Let Abstract be a psychologically unstable, controlling wife who “wants what’s best for everyone but views herself and her husband as ‘a higher priority’ than everyone else.” When Real cheats on Abstract, let Abstract understand why and adjust her role in the marriage to prevent it from happening again. Though it will invariably happen again, this cycle will keep their marriage alive and interesting.

Idea 7 – Conservation laws. Something conserved is something useless. Don’t hold back. Do you. Go hard. Let “what you do” change naturally over time, which, also, can’t be conserved. What comes eventually leaves and what leaves doesn’t need a reason for doing so – things just leave.Ignore the universe, the future, the perceived “speed” of life, and focus on yourself until it’s time to say goodbye.

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